What to do if forced to go to the village. How to persuade parents: effective ways and practical advice. You are not ready to change your social circle
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From time to time, happy stories of former townspeople who have replaced the hustle and bustle of the "stone jungle" with rural life are published on our website. There are also many who would like to move, but still have doubts. Country life is slowly but surely becoming "fashionable", and some succumb to this trend, although internally they are not ready for the changes and realities of rural life.
Recently, somewhere on the Internet, I came across an article that tells the stories of "returnees" - those who, after a fairly short time, realized that leaving the city turned out to be a mistake. The situations described are different, but one thing unites them: the heroes aspired to an idealized village and make decisions based on emotion. And when the euphoria dissipated, faced with the prose of life (not always as attractive as pictures in glossy magazines), they were left face to face with the consequences of their hasty choice.
Is it possible to understand how true the desire that has visited you to radically change your lifestyle is? In what cases should you not rush to move? Try to check yourself on this list - if you find at least one of the signs (and even more so - several), it's better not to rush to change anything.
1. You are not sure about your decision and are looking for confirmation of its correctness.
When the desire is true, you are no longer tormented by doubts, the opinions of relatives, colleagues and friends are not disturbed. You just know you're right and don't need proof. You may be worried about some nuances, you may still have questions - but the very decision to move seems indisputable, immutable. If it is important for you that someone else confirms your choice, do not rush to take a step - it is quite possible that you are on the wrong track.
The foregoing does not mean at all that in case of doubt it is necessary to abandon the set goal without fail. But if you are lost in thought and cannot decide on anything, it is important to understand what caused it.
- Maybe you are missing information?
- Maybe you have a deep doubt about your own abilities?
- Maybe you are too influenced by someone else's opinion?
- Maybe you are just a dreamer?
My own way to the village lasted several years. And I know that it can be difficult to decide to change everything. But if this is really your dream and your goal - just go for it. Step by step.
2. Career is important to you
You can find many stories, the heroes of which give up a good job, say goodbye to their careers, leave for the countryside - and are happy. Downshifting is another popular trend of our days. But alarming “bells” have already appeared - the stories of those who, after a couple of years of such a “vacation”, suddenly yearned for their former life and realized that the decision to “drop everything and leave” was dictated by banal fatigue. Fatigue has passed - but the feeling that an important part of life is passing by has remained.
Soberly assess your situation. Set your priorities, take care of yourself. What do you want from life? What makes you happy? What is the place of work in your life? Will you feel fulfilled if you do not reach career heights? And what kind of “heights” would you like to conquer?
Ask yourself as many questions as possible and try as honestly as possible answer them. Do not leave yourself a chance to regret sometime in the future decision- and regrets are inevitable if you intend to give up what is important to you. And further. You can give up what you already have - if you understand that what you have achieved is not so valuable. But you should not give up what is not there yet, but you would like to - such unrealized goals will then return like a boomerang all your life and “give” regrets about what could have been, but did not happen.
For example, I have always considered myself a born housewife and did not even dream of labor and career exploits. But life judged in its own way, and at some point gave me a chance to test myself in a new - interesting and promising - field. Prospects opened up in the city, and at that time we lived in the countryside.
Probably, it was possible to refuse the offer. And then all my life to think: "Now if I then ..." But this is not in my rules, and I agreed. By experience, I was convinced that home and family are really more important to me than career achievements. I proved to myself and others that I can do a lot. And calmed down. Therefore, I was not and am not tormented by regrets about the unconquered peaks - I conquered those that I wanted, and stopped when I realized that it was no longer interesting for me to go this road further. After that, with a calm soul, she left for the village. Not to “live out your life”, not to “run away from problems”, but to discover a new stage in your life, no less interesting and exciting than the previous ones.
3. You are used to urban comfort
It's neither good nor bad - it's just life. We will not talk about those who intend to move from a city apartment to an elite cottage village with developed infrastructure - this article is for those who are thinking about moving to the most ordinary village or village, to a private house where life can (at least for at first) differ significantly from the usual city.
Someone easily adapts to any conditions, while someone painfully difficult to rebuild. For some, stove heating and the temporary lack of urban amenities is an interesting experience and an exciting adventure, but for some it is a real torture. In general, everyone has their own limit of what is acceptable, and when making a decision, it is very important not to exceed your personal “threshold”, so as not to suffer later. For example, for me, a necessary and sufficient condition was the presence in the village of a normal road and water supply. Mains gas is good, but not necessary: I am aware of its advantages, but I am quite capable of living in a house with wood heating. And for some, this is a completely unacceptable option, and it is better to think about it right away, without relying on the old “endure - fall in love”.
There are no janitors here who clear snow in winter, remove leaves in autumn. But here there is grass that needs to be mowed - and not once a season, but regularly. There are many everyday issues that you will have to solve on your own, without relying on the "uncle from the housing office." If you have skillful hands and there are free funds, over time, even from an old wreck, you can make a comfortable home with “almost urban” amenities, but this will not happen right away. Are you ready to wait? Are you ready to bring this “bright future” closer with your own hands every day?
A good solution is to equip country life without leaving the city. Some do just that: they buy a dacha, build it there new house or repair the old one, gradually establish a comfortable life. And then they move - without unnecessary heroism and unnecessary strength tests. Maybe this is your choice?
4. You are not ready to change your social circle.
And it will gradually change, no matter how hard you try to convince yourself otherwise. You will change, your lifestyle will change. And some of your former acquaintances will become uninteresting in you, and someone will become uninteresting in you. Relations with someone will be broken due to distances - yes, yes, sometimes even the “pathetic” 30-50 kilometers become a test of the strength of friendship, which not everyone is ready to overcome in order to meet and chat. And "friendship on the phone", you know, inevitably fades away over time.
On the one hand, this is good: only the most reliable, the closest will remain. The best. On the other hand, losing is always painful and sad. Over time, you will make new acquaintances - neighbors, colleagues in new job, fellow villagers. And that's great too. But it will be a different circle of communication, different from the previous one. I emphasize: not better and not worse - just different. New.
Speak, your environment is completely active and very mobile people who accepted the idea of your move with enthusiasm and enthusiasm? Well, then just skip this paragraph - there are real friends and like-minded people nearby who are ready to go with you even to the ends of the world. It happens that way too.
5. There is no unanimity in the family
This is not about distant relatives and not even about parents - children sooner or later must "fly out of the parental nest", even if sometimes against the wishes of the older generation. But the opinion of your “second half” must be taken into account: it’s not for nothing that you connected life with each other. If one of the spouses is sure that moving to the village is a good idea, and the second one doubts (perhaps for one of the reasons that have already been discussed, or perhaps he does not imagine himself a villager at all) - you should not provoke a conflict.
Can this be changed? Not always. And this is the case when any advice is meaningless. Only the two of you can find correct solution- your way, which will suit both.
6. You have a poor idea of what you will face
We have already discussed the problems caused by the lack of information. Now we are a little bit different. Citizens planning to move to the countryside sometimes idealize rural life. They imagine quiet evenings with a cup of tea on the veranda, listening to bird trills, or endless expanses filled with the scents of herbs, or happy everyday life in their own spacious house... Yes, all this will happen. But there will be much more.
I will not repeat myself - we talked about this in great detail in the article. When making an important decision, it is necessary to clearly represent not only the pluses, but also the possible minuses of the upcoming changes. Do not build illusions - their destruction is very painful. Consider your idea from all sides, weigh the advantages and disadvantages, without trying to close your eyes to real life problems. Even if you already have summer experience, you need to understand: Country holidays and country life are far from the same thing.. And if not even this, the probability of self-deception is too high.
7. You are depressed and tired.
In such a state, it is generally contraindicated to make responsible decisions. Any. Because a person exhausted by problems, on the verge of depression, is not able to adequately assess the situation. The likelihood of making a mistake increases significantly.
If it seems that everything around is bad, and the rural distances are seen almost as paradise, then you have the wrong life stage when to consider moving. Don't run away from problems. A change in the usual environment, of course, can shake things up, give life a new taste, create the impression of happy changes. But are you sure that "Paradise" on closer inspection will not disappoint?
8. You don't know how you'll make a living after you move.
One of the most pressing questions of all future migrants is where to work, how to earn a living. There is a widespread opinion: there is no work in the countryside, you can’t get a job anywhere, that’s why everyone flees to the cities. Is it so?
On the one hand, yes - in the countryside there are actually fewer opportunities for work and earnings than in the city. The range of in-demand specialties is much narrower, there are practically no prospects for career growth. On the other hand, someone in the city complains about the lack of work...
Energetic and enterprising rural wilderness is not a hindrance. One opens his own business, another farmstead feeds; someone masters a profession that is in demand in a new place; someone works on a rotational basis, and someone works remotely ... There are options! But that doesn't mean there aren't problems.
You should think about ways to earn money long before moving, so as not to join the ranks of disappointed “returnees” later. If you cannot yet clearly answer at least to yourself where you intend to take money for a comfortable rural life, wait a little with final decision.
9. You don't have a car
Yes, this is also an argument against moving. No, of course, you can live outside the city without a car. Not bad. Yes, there is intercity bus service and rail transport. But, firstly, not everywhere. And secondly, you will always be limited in movement. You will not be able to afford to linger somewhere - the public transport schedule does not confer such freedom. Bringing something or getting somewhere urgently is a problem. Just think: are you really ready to sit all the time in the coveted rural wilderness and be completely dependent on the bus schedule?
You can live outside the city without a car. Not bad
Perhaps I have a subjective opinion on this. At one time we lived in a village with regular bus service, we did not have a car. And regular five-kilometer marches to the district center or back were commonplace: either the bus would break down, or you would be late for the last flight ... Well, there was nothing to say about work in the city - 30 km away. And now I know people who from those places every day drive to the regional center by car to work and are satisfied with life.
My move to my current place of residence without my own transport would be completely impossible - here the nearest bus stop is 4 km away. Again, and here some live "horseless" - it cannot be said that this was completely impossible. But every day, in any weather, stomp 5-7 km on foot to and from work ... Agree - a dubious pleasure, not everyone will like it.
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Children and adolescents often have a problem: they do not know how to persuade their parents to allow something or give exactly what they really want. Usually, younger children ask for some kind of animal or an expensive gift; in addition to an expensive present, older children have new reasons for disagreement with their parents: they want to go out late, wear what is fashionable among their peers, and stay overnight with friends. In most cases, such situations end in misunderstanding, often in conflicts, from which all family members suffer.
Who is to blame and what to do?
Before making a plan on how to persuade parents to comply with any request, it is important to understand that disagreements do not appear because mom and dad are sorry for something for their child, or they don’t love him. Adults and children have a very different outlook on life due to different experiences. And if a mother does not let her daughter go to a party of classmates with an overnight stay, then this is not out of a desire to constantly control her, but out of fear for the child's health. Only by accepting the fact that parents refuse something out of spite, you can proceed to planning negotiations.
It is more likely that the result of the conversation will be positive if you show the parents that their consent will not only bring pleasure to the child, but also benefit them.
How it works?
If you need to persuade parents on the phone, you can explain that the gadget is needed for communication, and with its help they can always find out where the child is. It’s more difficult when you want not just a “brick” mobile phone, but a smartphone worth ten thousand rubles or more. Here the procedure should be like this:
- Estimate the financial possibilities of the family. If the parents themselves use cheaper phones, they may simply not have the money for such a gift.
- If it is possible to buy an expensive phone, and you want to persuade your parents to do this, you can argue that an expensive thing will teach frugality and accuracy, that classmates look down on them because their phones are better.
It is important to listen carefully to the answers of the parents so that you can reasonably object to them, otherwise the conversation will resemble a child's tantrum: "I want, and nothing else worries me!". In this case, the probability of success is extremely small.
What if the parents don't have money?
If parents do not have the opportunity to purchase an expensive phone, you can try to at least partially earn on it by handing out leaflets or posting ads. If there is no way to earn money, start saving pocket money. When a child shows that he is ready to invest his salary / savings in the purchase, this indicates that a new phone is not a momentary whim for him.
Another option on how to persuade parents to give such a gift is to ask for it for a birthday or New Year. Usually some amount is set aside by these dates, this increases the chance of success. A birthday is preferable, since many people need to be congratulated on the New Year, respectively, less money is allocated for each gift.
The most common problem
One of the most common problems is figuring out how to persuade parents to buy a dog. Many children ask for a puppy, but few parents heed these requests. The reasons have long been known: the dog will bark, there will be hair everywhere from it, you need to walk with it in any weather, spend money on food, vaccinations, a veterinarian and ammunition. And most importantly, taking care of the dog will fall on the shoulders of the parents, no matter what the child says, no matter what promises he makes.
Some breeders don't sell puppies to people who say they're getting a pet for a child. They know that sooner or later the child will get tired of the dog or he will grow up (and dogs live 14-16 years), leave to study. The dog will become useless and may end up in a shelter or on the street. Often parents themselves do not realize what responsibility falls on them with the appearance of a dog in the house.
Solutions
How to persuade parents to buy a dog when there are so many difficulties? There are reasonable arguments for everything:
- If parents are not satisfied with barking, wool and large sizes, you can choose a breed that meets their requirements. By talking not about a dog in general, but about a specific breed, you can show your knowledge and a serious approach to business.
- If there is a problem with finances, you can earn extra money or postpone the purchase of a dog. If there is enough pocket money, offer parents to keep the animal on them.
- Most often, the problem of how to persuade parents to get a dog is due to the fact that parents do not want caregiving to fall on them. In this case, you will have to prove your readiness for the constant fulfillment of some obligations. For example, start helping around the house on a regular basis.
If the first time did not work, do not be offended or blame the parents. Perhaps we should revisit the conversation later.
How to persuade parents to let go to friends with an overnight stay
As children grow up, they want more independence. Sooner or later, almost everyone has a moment when they ask their parents to let them leave the house for the night. Most parents perceive this "with hostility." In such a situation, it should be remembered that this is not done out of malice. Who has not heard about smoking and drinking at such gatherings, and even teenage pregnancies after them? Parents are anxious, so the surest way to get their consent is to keep anxiety to a minimum. This must be taken care of in advance.
The first thing to rule out is bad company. It is advisable to introduce your parents to your friends (at least some of them) in advance and try to make a good impression on them. It is equally important to leave them the address where friendly gatherings will take place, and the phone number of the host (girlfriend, boyfriend or their parents), and also agree to call every hour.
What to do if you are not allowed to go to the camp?
How to convince your parents to go to summer camp if they are categorically against it, despite the fact that classmates, guys from the yard or best friend are going there?
Usually parents' anxiety is caused by the fact that they will be far away and will not be able to quickly come to the rescue. Less often there is a problem with money. If the parents said that there is no money, then you can look for a more budget option, for example, a summer school camp. You can earn extra money in the first half of the summer, and in August go to work. Of course, you first need to ask your parents if they can add the missing amount.
If the reason is that they are afraid to leave the child on whole month unattended, you can be reminded that there are counselors in the camp. It is advisable to choose an option that has a lot of good reviews, including from friends who have been there.
In any situation where disagreement arises, it is important to remember that reasoned conversation is more likely to good result than screams and quarrels.
Hello dear members of the forum, I will tell a little about our story about a dream come true to move to the village)
I dreamed of living in the village from the age of 20, I lived in the village for a short time, there was a cow and three little pigs, a little chicken, a garden, but unfortunately the circumstances were such that I had to leave for the city.
There were a lot of things) as they say, fire and water and burning huts went through) BUT I won’t talk about this, off topic, and how many people have so many fates)
I got married already with two children, older girls) Through the prayers of my grandmother, God sent me a wonderful husband) Smart, kind, cheerful, jack of all trades and loving of course) He is completely urban, born and raised in St. Petersburg) we began to go to my village every summer with children) then we had two boys and a dog appeared) At first, my husband was very critical of the village, then he gradually got involved, building something (he loves it very much), but he couldn’t even think to live in his house) and then, after a few years, he began to understand the advantages of a private house (not life in the village) He began to dream of building a house)
The year 2014 has come... the crisis is on its heels! somehow things didn’t go according to work and the work was not the same as before, the husband began to get tired psychologically a little, he began to talk about changing the type of activity ... But he loves construction very much and is perfectly versed in his business and I haven’t seen him in anything else ... Before that, I never insisted on leaving for the village, secretly dreaming that my husband himself wants, because if a person does not want, then he will still not be nice, but I wanted the whole family to be happy!
So this is how it was during a conversation when the husband again raised the topic that he was tired of guest workers who do not know how to do anything, from customers who only want to reduce their costs and from traffic jams, etc.
I started talking about the fact that if there is no work, then it will be hard for us with the children, we need to feed them, well, it’s clear that with such hands and brains as my husband’s, we wouldn’t be hungry and as soon as the baby grew up I would immediately go to work anywhere ... at least wash the floors ... but there is no stability and for an apartment of 10 thousand per month, in short, she led, led such a conversation and blurted out that it would not be bad to move to the land and to an ecologically clean place, that the land will always feed + work, of course !) began to describe all the pluses, of course, she also spoke about the problems, he listened ...) Agreed that if there is an option, you can try)
Then I started looking) and my mania began) at night I dug the Internet, read aloud about people who moved to the village or about those who really want it, in order to strengthen their confidence that we are not the only ones) and searched) I found an option that us interested, and in August, leaving the village, we stopped by (not far there) on the ad) my husband liked it so much that he immediately said put the apartment up for sale) I spoke with the children, asked for an opinion, spoke about the advantages of village life) Lucky) The kids supported, could and do not try) They love my nature and lived with pleasure all summer in the village and did not want to leave in the fall)
Oh yes, it’s clear that this is not done quickly, but I so much wished for this and believed that this was the right decision, that I didn’t think how long it could take, it seemed that if the decision was right, then God would arrange everything) And He arranged it) But not at all like that )
She put the apartment up for sale and began to move) But then suddenly the seller abruptly changes his mind to temporarily sell the house that we liked! Shock! horror! but ... My husband was so infected with this idea, he got sick, you can say that he said, don’t be upset, we’ll find another) True, they tried to contact the owners for a long time to find out what happened and can persuade ... it didn’t work out, worries ... They started looking again. .. in the same direction, yet we know everything there and our native places ... along the way, thinking about how we will live on earth and what to do) The husband is very responsible and for him this is a very serious step ... so he prefers to think and calculate everything ) and I'm impulsive) and everything to me at once) This is how we complement each other)
We traveled a lot of houses, my husband looked through the houses like a scanner and immediately saw what problems and whether it was worth buying such a house) Some houses in front of us directly paid a deposit and we did not have time to look at them (although I recently saw them for sale again and I regard them as nothing more than something that God took it)
Then I find out that a city will be built in that place and it will be industrial, and of course, there is no talk of any kind of ecology, and that's it ... a dead end? No, they started looking in one of the eco-friendly areas and not far from St. Petersburg - Pskov region) It was important for my husband that the house to the site had water, a river or a lake) Lake Peipsi, but there are expensive and very dilapidated houses, but it’s winter and we wouldn’t risk such conditions with the children ... We made a list of what we want to have and what should be nearby) and searched for these parameters) I clicked on Yandex real estate and determined plots on the map around the rivers and lakes of the Pskov region and then checked the ads) Again, several good options went under the nose, they found one option that my husband really liked, but not me) he considered from the technical side that the house is ideal) Brick with 5 rooms and water and steam heating, in general, of course, the house is good, but 15 acres! for me it’s very little, but I didn’t argue, my husband will be happy with this house, I decided, and I live on earth) and if the parents are happy, then the children too) but doubts overcame me ... the house is not cheap, but in plans to buy a newer car because ours is already old, there is nowhere in the village without a car, and the village is so huge ... everything was agreed and they began to sell the house more actively, because there seems to be an option) I say to my husband: well, we will buy this house, and also car and then what? there is no land! you need to buy or rent, then build a barn and buy animals, but it seems that there will be no more money! Let's say we'll look again, if we don't find it, then buy this house! my husband agreed and started looking again, again trips with my youngest son almost 2-3 times a week!
And then one day we went to see the house in which we now live! that day we looked at 2 more options and therefore we arrived late to this, the owner, a 70-year-old grandfather met us in the nearest small town! and rightly assumed that at night we wouldn’t see anything there and we should spend the night and watch in the morning) well, of course it’s better, especially since the baby is completely tired! rented a hotel room, spent the night and went to see! We arrived at the village, stopped, got out of the car, and in front of this house there is a beautiful view of the lake with swans) It took my breath away, the owner immediately led me to the lake, and I stood on the road and cried ... imagine the feeling that now I wandered for a long time and finally came home! I felt HOME! she cried and thanked God that he brought us here) and when we looked at the whole farm, our eyes lit up in general) 2 houses, a bathhouse on the lake, a plot of 1.5 hectares adjacent to the lake) almost 100 apple trees and PASEKA) of course it was the best place and it was not a pity to change the apartment for this particular place, in a small village of 20 houses) and when you go out to the lake and only on our site open outlet to the lake, (for others it is overgrown with forest), it feels like the lake is only ours) there are no houses on the shores) the lake is small, not deep and with clean drinking water) and there is a field behind the plot) and when I found out that school bus takes children from us to school, so in general, all the items on our list were underlined) These are miracles)
Of course, we told the owner what we would like to buy, but we have an apartment for sale and we need to wait ... it wasn’t there) the grandfather got caught so that mom don’t cry) businessman) says no, dear, I won’t wait, I don’t accept deposits, bring money and sell)
oooooh) what have we suffered) and then after buying a house, this grandfather shook our nerves for us) but these are already trifles and we they said thank you for such a nice house! when they came to congratulate on NG) he certainly kept the house in the master's hands) but now we have a client for an apartment (which suggests that we still found the very place and God approves and arranges everything) but everything is not so fast) and we nevertheless, already on the verge of nerves) and we don’t want the house to be sold not to us) in general, the husband borrows money from a friend for the sale of an apartment and we buy this house)! and after 4 days we moved to our new house) and my husband solved issues with the sale and everything else) on the 27th it will be 10 months. how we live here) have grown here with all our hearts) even older children really like it) The school is very good with teachers from the Soviet school, when there was at least some kind of education and children are seriously taught here, unlike our city school) But minus there are children missing their city friends!
In the city, in such a time, we would all have already been ill five times) here, not even once! settling down, making plans, setting up) plans include a cow and a couple of pigs, a few rams and chickens, geese) of course, not all at once, gradually) Here we got another cat and another puppy) I don’t know what will happen next and how ours will develop here life, what children will say when they grow up and what difficulties await ... I know one thing we are happy, we are very good! And for some reason God led us to this decision and to this place) means that it will be ...
We came to earth not for wealth) but for the stability and health of our children... physical and psychological) To achieve harmony of body and soul)
I apologize for the mistakes and confusion
