home Biology Introverts how to use. How can introverts use their features correctly? From a social point of view

Introverts how to use. How can introverts use their features correctly? From a social point of view

Published with permission from The Negotiation Company, LLC c/o InkWell Management LLC and Synopsis Literary Agency

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without the written permission of the copyright holders.

* * *

To all members of my family

A nation in which everyone was General Patton would do no more than a nation in which everyone was Vincent van Gogh. I prefer to think that our planet needs athletes, philosophers, sex symbols, artists, scientists in equal measure; there is a role for sympathetic and callous, rational and easily vulnerable people. The world needs those who will devote their lives to studying the specifics of the salivary glands in dogs, as well as those who can capture a brief moment of cherry blossom in a poem of fourteen syllables, or devote twenty-five pages to describing the feelings of a little boy lying in the silence of the night on his bed in waiting for a mother's kiss before bed.

The presence of any pronounced talent indicates that something has been sacrificed...

From the author

Formally, I have been working on this book since 2005, but, in fact, all my life. I have spoken and corresponded with hundreds, if not thousands of people, discussing the issues presented in the book, and have read countless books, scientific and journal articles, discussion forums and blogs. Some authors I quote verbatim, the thoughts of the rest permeate every sentence in this book.

The book "stands on the shoulders" of many people, mostly scientists and researchers, whose work has taught me a lot. In an ideal world, I would list each and every one of those who helped me and shared knowledge. But, to protect the reader from an endless stream of names, some authors are only mentioned in the "Notes" section.

For the same reason, I sometimes omitted quotation marks when quoting other people, but at the same time I watched carefully so that new words did not distort the meaning invested in them by the author. If you want to get acquainted with the original of this or that idea, you can find a detailed list in the "Notes" section.

I have changed the names and physical descriptions of several of the people whose stories I present here, as well as stories from my own legal practice. In order not to intrude on the privacy of the participants in Charles di Cano's seminars, who did not at all expect that they would become characters in the book by signing up for courses; the history of my first seminar is a composition of general impressions for the whole time of training. The same goes for the story of Greg and Emily, which is compiled from interviews with many couples. Due to the imperfection of my memory, many stories are given in the form in which I remembered them. It should also be said that I did not check their authenticity, placing in the book only those that seemed plausible to me.

Introduction. Poles of temperament

Montgomery, Alabama. First of December 1955. Early evening. A city bus stops and a modestly dressed woman in her forties gets on. Her posture is upright, despite spending all day hunched over an ironing board in the laundry room basement of a local department store. Her legs are swollen, her shoulders ache with fatigue. She sits in the front row of the "colored" section and calmly watches as the bus is filled with passengers. This continues until the driver asks her to make room for a white passenger.

A woman utters a single word that will later give life to one of the most important movements in the struggle for civil rights in the 20th century, a word that will put America on the path of moral renewal.

This word is no.

The driver threatens to arrest her.

“You can do it,” says Rosa Parks.

The policeman arrives. He asks Parks why she refused to give up her seat.

“Why do you keep telling us where it is?” she simply answers.

“I have no idea,” he says, “but the law is the law!” - you are under arrest.

On the day of her trial, she is found guilty of wrongdoing and convicted. Following the sentencing, the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People in Montgomery holds a pro-Parks rally at the Holt Street Baptist Church in the city's poorest neighborhood. Five thousand people gathered to express their support for this woman's lonely act of courage. They squeeze into the church until all the pews are occupied. The rest have to wait outside and listen to the PA systems. Reverend Martin Luther King Jr. addresses the crowd. “There comes a time when people get tired. We are gathered here tonight to tell those who have treated us so badly for so long that our patience has run out. We are tired of segregation and humiliation, we are tired of the iron fists of the oppressors.”

He praises Parks' courage and hugs her. All this time, she stands quietly next to him, and her mere presence is enough to breathe enthusiasm and strength into the crowd. The association launches a city-wide bus boycott campaign that lasts 381 days. People walk for miles to work or vote on the roads asking strangers for a ride. Their behavior is changing the course of American history.

I always imagined Rosa Parks as a stately woman with a challenge in her eyes - in a word, such a person who easily dares in a bus full of passengers. However, after her death in 2005 at the age of 92, a stream of obituaries described her as a woman of medium build, soft in communication, with a pleasant character. It was said of her that she was "modest and shy", but had "lion's courage". There were many phrases in the descriptions like "deep humility" and "quiet fortitude". What does it mean to be quiet and steadfast? What is meant by this? How can you be humble at the same time? and brave?

Parks seems to recognize this paradox by naming her biography Silent Strength, a title that forces us to rethink our understanding of strength and resilience. Why is it quiet can not to be strong? And what can be combined with calmness, which we did not know before?

* * *

Our lives are determined by character as much as by race or gender. And the main personality trait - "the southern and northern poles of temperament", in the words of one scientist - is belonging to an extraverted or introverted type. The degree of expression of these qualities affects our behavior, the choice of the circle of friends and acquaintances, the manner in which we carry on a conversation, the way we solve problems and show love. The tendency to extroversion or introversion affects the choice of profession and success in it. It also determines our desire to exercise; determines the tendency to adultery; affects the ability to function normally in conditions of insufficient sleep; makes you learn from your mistakes or strive for risky gambling in the stock market, and also affects the ability to abstain from pleasures; be a good leader and look for alternative ways. All these qualities are due to the mechanism of functioning nervous system, her individual features. Today, introversion and extraversion are some of the most deeply researched personality traits, but the interest of scientists and psychologists in this topic is still very high. Behind last years With the help of modern technology, researchers have made many amazing discoveries.

Interest in the question of temperament has very deep roots. Poets and philosophers have pondered over the character of man since the beginning of time - this can be judged from historical documents. Descriptions of both types of personality are found in the Bible, in the works of doctors in ancient Greece and Rome. Some evolutionary psychologists argue that examples of extroverted and introverted behavior of individuals can be found in the animal kingdom: introverts and extroverts are found both among fruit flies and among highly developed rhesus monkeys. As with other important pairs of opposites—masculine and feminine, East and West, liberal and conservative—humanity would be far less diverse without the two personality types.

Consider, for example, the tandem of Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King Jr. An influential speaker who refuses to give up his seat on the bus would not have the same effect as a quiet woman who prefers to act modestly if allowed to. emergency. Parks, on the other hand, would not have been able to turn on the crowd if she had come to the podium and declared that she had a dream. But thanks to King, she didn't have to.

And yet, a very narrow range of manifestations is considered socially approved. personal qualities. We are told that to be successful is to be brave, and to be happy is to get along with people easily. We see ourselves as a nation of extroverts and therefore lose sight of who we really are. The results of various studies, depending on which one you turn to, show that from a third to a half of Americans are introverts, in other words, one of two or three people you know. (Given that the United States is considered one of the most extroverted nations, the number of introverts should be at least as high as in other parts of the world.) Even if you yourself are not an introvert, your spouse, colleague, friend or relative may well be.

If these statistics surprise you, it's most likely because many people just pretend to be extroverts. A natural introvert can be very successful at hiding his real face on the playground, in the school locker room, or in the office hallway. Some even thrive on self-deception, at least until a certain point in life—being fired, the empty nest stage, or receiving an unexpected inheritance—that allows them to live the life they have always wanted and opens their eyes to their true selves. Try to bring this topic up in a conversation with friends and acquaintances, and you will be surprised to find that many people, by their own admission, consider themselves introverts, despite the striking difference in their behavior from your stereotypes.

Given all of the above, it becomes absolutely clear why many introverts hide their true colors from others and from themselves. Our society is governed by a value system that I call the "perfect extrovert," or the ubiquitous belief that the ideal self should be outgoing, dominant, and confident in the spotlight. According to the archetypal model, the extrovert prefers action to reflection, risk to prudence, and certainty to doubt. He tends to make quick decisions, despite the high probability of their fallacy, works well in a team and has no problems with socialization. We like to think that we value individuality, when in most cases only one type of personality causes us admiration - a person who is used to overcoming difficulties, who works hard at work to achieve goals. Of course, we allow all the gifted eccentrics who create companies in garages to express their personality as they please, but this is more of an exception to the rule - our tolerance usually extends to those who manage to become fabulously rich, or at least to those who are hopeful.

Introversion, like its "cousins" - sensitivity, seriousness and shyness, is considered a second-rate quality, almost beyond the norm, and causes disappointment. The life of introverts in the world of the ideal extrovert is like the life of a woman in a man's world. They are not accepted because of what constitutes the very core of their personality and defines their true nature. Extraversion is extremely attractive, but we have turned this quality into the only standard that everyone has to live up to for some reason.

The existence of a standard for the ideal extrovert is indirectly supported by many studies, although all of these data have never been combined. It has been proven, for example, that talkative people are considered smarter, more beautiful, more interesting, and more desirable as friends. At the same time, both the pace of speech and its loudness matter: people who speak quickly seem more competent and attractive compared to those who speak slowly. A similar trend can be seen in other studies: talkative people always seem to be smarter and more pleasant to communicate than their silent counterparts, despite the complete lack of correlation between the ability to generate good ideas and how good a person’s tongue is. Even the meaning of the word "introvert" has taken on a negative connotation: during one informal experiment conducted by psychologist Laurie Halgo, it was revealed that most introverts use a rich and colorful vocabulary to describe their appearance ("blue-green eyes", "exotic", "tall cheekbones”), but when asked to describe the average introvert, they paint a blurry and unattractive picture (“awkward”, “colorless”, “bad skin”).

In my opinion, we are committing an unforgivable mistake by blindly praising the ideal of extroversion. Some of the greatest human ideas, works of art and inventions - take for example the theory of evolution, or Vincent van Gogh's "Sunflowers", or personal computers - came from quiet, thinking people who are able to tune into their inner rhythm and find true in the back streets of the mind. hidden treasures. Without introverts, the world would be deprived of:

Nocturnes by Fryderyk Chopin;

"In Search of Lost Time" by Marcel Proust;

1984 and George Orwell's Animal Farm;

"The Cat in the Hat" by Dr. Seuss;

"Schindler's List", "ET" and "Close Encounters of the Third Kind" by Steven Spielberg;

According to scientist-journalist Winifred Gallagher, the ability to perceive and think about the surrounding reality, instead of immediately interacting with it, is more likely to produce outstanding works of art and science. Neither E = mc 2 nor " Lost heaven', couldn't be on hastily stuck together cheerful party-goer. Even in areas such as finance, politics, and the civil rights movement, where a certain degree of extroversion would seem to be required, some outstanding breakthroughs have been made by introverts. Thus, in this book you will find examples of Eleanor Roosevelt, Al Gore, Warren Buffett, Mahatma Gandhi and Rosa Parks - people who achieved victory not despite, a thanks to to their personal qualities.

From childhood, we spend time at desks arranged in ever-expanding groups, which contributes to the formation of the habit of group learning, and, according to the results of some studies, most educators believe that the ideal student should be an extrovert. We watch all kinds of television shows, the participants of which do not at all resemble real people we meet in life; we see rock stars and outrageous hosts with inflated egos like Hannah Montana and iCarly's Carly Shay. Even baby Sid from PBS-funded Sid the Science Kid, who is supposed to serve as a model preschooler, starts every day in the garden by dancing in the hallway with friends. ("Check out my moves! I'm a rock star!")

As adults, many of us enter companies that demand team play and force us to work in open-plan offices under bosses who place the highest value on getting along with people. In order to move up the corporate ladder, we must unceremoniously promote ourselves at every opportunity. Scientists who manage to get funding often turn out to be very confident people, maybe even too confident. The artists whose work adorns the exhibition halls of modern galleries pose imposingly at the entrance in frilly outfits. Authors whose books are published - once considered a strange kind of recluse - now have to prove their ability to speak on talk shows and press conferences. (You wouldn't be reading this book if I hadn't been able to convince the publisher that I was a good enough pseudo-extrovert to promote it.)

The introvert must have had to deal with the devastating effects on the psyche of all these prejudices. Maybe it happened in childhood to overhear how parents apologize for the shyness of their child. (Why can't you be like the Kennedy boys? One of the people I interviewed often heard this question from parents.) why some animals carry portable shelters around and why some people do the same. “All these remarks I heard as a child still ring in my ears, saying that I am lazy, dumb, slow, boring,” writes one member of the online community “Introvert’s Haven”. “By the time I could understand the introversion of my nature, a part of me was already affected by the belief that something was wrong with me. It would be nice to be able to find this seed of doubt that torments me and get rid of it forever.

Even as an adult, it's entirely possible to feel some remorse when declining an invitation to dinner in favor of reading a good book. Or maybe you like to dine alone in a restaurant and would rather not catch the sympathetic looks of other visitors. Or you are constantly being told that you are too often “withdrawing into yourself”, which is often heard by calm and thoughtful people.

Of course, they can be called another word - thinkers.

* * *

I have personally seen how difficult it is sometimes for introverts to master new skills and how successfully they apply them afterwards. For more than ten years, I have coached a diverse audience (corporate lawyers, hedge fund managers, university students and couples) in negotiation. Naturally, my trainings touched on the main issues: how to prepare for negotiations, when to make the first offer, how to behave if the other side insists: "agree or leave." But beyond that, I helped clients better understand themselves and use their potential more successfully.

My first client was a Wall Street lawyer. Quiet and dreamy, Laura avoided undue attention and did not tolerate aggression. Somehow, miraculously, she was able to graduate from Harvard Law School - in this harsh place, classes are held in huge amphitheatres suitable for gladiator fights. (Laura once vomited on her way to a couple from exertion.) And now, in the real world, she wasn't sure she could defend her clients' interests with the force they expected.

During her first three years as a junior lawyer in the company, she did not have the opportunity to test her assumption. But one day, the senior lawyer she was helping went on vacation, and Laura had to take on the responsibility of leading some very serious negotiations. Laura represented a South American industrial company that was running out of time to repay a bank loan and was hoping to negotiate new terms; on the other side of the negotiating table sat a lawyer for the syndicate of bankers who had made the loan.

Laura would gladly prefer to hide under the above table, but managed to overcome this desire. Courageously, if nervously, she took her place, placing herself between her clients: the chief consultant and the senior financial officer. I must say, these were Laura's favorite clients - refined and courteous, very different from other clients of the company, who behaved like rulers of the world. In the past, Laura attended a Yankees game with the chief consultant, and she also helped him pick out a handbag for his sister. But now all these cute activities - just the kind of social interaction that Laura liked - seemed like a distant dream. On the opposite side of the table sat nine exasperated bankers in expensive suits, along with their lawyer, a woman with a square chin but friendly manner. This lady, obviously not a timid one, immediately delivered an impressive speech about how unspeakably lucky Laura's clients were given the opportunity to accept the conditions of the bankers. According to her, it was an incredibly generous offer on their part.

Everyone expected Laura to say something in response, but absolutely nothing came to her mind. And she just sat there and blinked. Under the gaze of all those present. Laura's clients fidgeted tensely in their chairs. In the woman's brain, the usual thoughts raced in a familiar circle: "I am too timid for this work, indecisive, I think too much." She saw a man who would be more suitable for this task: self-confident, cocky, ready to hit the table with his fist. At school, they were called "sociable" - in the evaluation scale of a seventh grader, this quality is even higher than "sweet" for girls and "sporty" for guys. Laura promised herself that today she would endure the last torment. Tomorrow she will start looking for a new career. But then Laura remembered what I had told her over and over again: as an introvert, she had a unique ability to negotiate—perhaps less pronounced, but no less effective. She probably prepared for these negotiations like no other. Her speech was calm but confident, because she rarely spoke without thinking. Soft in communication, Laura could take a strong, even aggressive stance, passing her off as a calm and thoughtful approach. She also knew how to ask questions, a lot of questions, and listen to answers - and this is a very useful quality in negotiations, regardless of the type of personality.

So Laura decided to act naturally.

-Let's do it again. What are your numbers based on? she asked. – What if we structure the loan in this way?.. Or like this? Are there any other options?

At first, Laura's questions were rather cautious. But in the course of the speech, they became more and more specific and specific, demonstrating that she had done her homework and figured out the situation to the smallest detail. At the same time, Laura remained true to her style: she did not raise her voice and did not lose her composure. Every time the bankers came up with a controversial idea, she showed them that it wasn't constructive.

Is this the only solution? Maybe st about um look for an alternative?

Gradually the atmosphere in the room changed, just like it says in negotiating manuals. The bankers stopped talking and trying to make themselves too important, that is, play a game in which Laura felt out of place, and proceeded directly to the discussion.

The conversation continued, but the parties still could not reach an agreement. One of the bankers flew out of the room in anger, scattering papers in his path. Laura ignored this demarche, largely because she simply did not know how to respond to it. Later, someone told her that at this crucial moment she used one of the techniques of "negotiation jiu-jitsu" superbly; however, she just acted as usual quiet people in our noisy world.

In the end, the parties entered into an agreement. The bankers left the building, Laura's favorite clients went to the airport, and she herself went home and, sitting comfortably with a book on the sofa, tried to forget about all the vicissitudes of the past day.

The next morning, the bankers' top lawyer called—the woman with the massive jaw—and offered her a job. “I have never met a person in my life who was courteous and at the same time stood his ground,” she said. A day later, the head of the bank called Laura and asked if her law firm could continue to deal with his company in the future. “We would need someone who can negotiate deals without letting his ego cloud his judgment,” he said.

Taking a soft approach, Laura attracted a new business partner for her firm and a job offer for herself. Without raising your voice or hitting the table with your fist.

Today, Laura has learned to use her nature effectively by accepting introversion as an integral part of her personality. Now the old tune about being quiet and insecure plays a lot less in her head. Laura is confident that she can fend for herself if she has to.

* * *

What exactly do I mean by Laura being an introvert? When I started writing this book, the first thing I decided to do was to find out how modern research psychologists define introversion and extraversion.

In 1921, the famous psychiatrist Carl Jung published the monumental work Psychological Types, where he described the fundamental personality traits - extraversion and introversion, thereby making these terms popular. Introverts, according to Jung, are primarily focused on the world of thoughts and inner experiences, while extroverts are focused on the world of people and objects around them. Introverts comprehend the events taking place around them, and extroverts try to immediately become participants in them. Introverts need to be alone to replenish their energy reserves, while extroverts need recovery only if they communicate. not enough. If you've ever taken the Isabella Myers-Briggs test (based on Jung's typology), which is used by many universities and reputable companies, then you probably already have some idea of what I'm talking about.

And yet, what do modern scientists think about introversion and extraversion? It turned out that there is no single universal definition for these concepts. They are not as easy and simple to describe as, say, to define the words "curly" or "teenager", the meaning of which is clear to everyone. For example, followers of such a direction in personality psychology as the Big Five (according to their concept, the human personality can be classified according to five basic elements), define introversion not by the richness of the inner life, but by a low indicator of the value of such qualities as confidence and sociability. Definitions extraversion and introversion there are almost as many as there are psychologists who study personality; and they all argue endlessly about whose definition is more accurate. Some believe that Jung's ideas have become obsolete, others believe that only Jungian theory reflects the real state of affairs.

However, on some issues, the opinions of psychologists coincide: for example, everyone agrees that these two types differ in the degree of need for external influence that is comfortable for them. Introverts are just right for its complete absence, they would quietly drink wine alone with a close friend, read a book or solve a crossword puzzle. Extroverts, on the other hand, are always happy to have the opportunity to interact with the environment: meet new people, go skiing or jump to upbeat music. “Other people always make you worry,” says personality psychologist David Winter, explaining why the typical introvert would rather read a book on the beach while on vacation than hang out non-stop at parties on a cruise ship. - Communication with them causes a feeling of danger, fear, panic or love. A hundred people is a much stronger irritant than a hundred books or grains of sand.

Many psychologists agree that introverts and extroverts have different working styles. Extroverts like to immerse themselves in the task at hand. They tend to make quick (sometimes reckless) decisions, are comfortable dividing their attention between multiple tasks, and are not afraid to take risks. Extroverts enjoy the "excitement of the chase" and the trophies that it promises - money and status.

Introverts work much more slowly, but more thoroughly. They prefer to focus on one task at a time and have remarkable concentration abilities. They can be considered relatively immune to fame and fortune magic.

Personality type determines the style of social interaction. Extroverts will have no trouble spice up a dinner party and not skimp on laughter in response to your jokes. They are confident, somewhat dominant and need company. Extroverts think out loud and on the move, preferring to talk rather than listen, and rarely run out of words, often throwing out lines they didn't intend to say. Easily cope with conflicts, but not with loneliness.

In contrast, introverts, although they often have significant skills in secular communication and business meetings, after a while in the course of intense communication begin to feel tired and regret that they did not stay at home. They prefer to spend their social energy on close friends, colleagues and relatives. They listen more than they speak, think before they open their mouths, and often express their thoughts better in writing than orally. Conflict is not their forte. Many of them do not like meaningless talk about anything, but enjoy deep discussion of exciting topics.

What qualities are mistakenly attributed to introverts? The word "introvert" is often considered synonymous with the words "hermit" and "misanthrope". Perhaps some introverts can really behave in this way, but for the most part they are absolutely friendly people. In addition, it is not at all necessary that all introverts are naturally shy. Shyness is born from fear of social disapproval or fear of humiliation, introverted people simply prefer a quiet and calm environment. Shyness causes very painful experiences, introversion does not. Many people confuse these two concepts because these qualities often appear in the same person (although psychologists have not come to a consensus on the extent to which these traits correlate). Some experts consider this pair of characteristics as axes in a coordinate system, placing introversion-extroversion on the x-axis, and the level of anxiety on the y-axis. Thus, four squares are formed, corresponding to four possible combinations of qualities: calm extrovert, restless extrovert, calm introvert and restless introvert. In other words, you can be a timid introvert like Barbra Streisand, a flamboyant personality with overwhelming stage fright, or a far from shy introvert like Bill Gates, who, as the saying goes, pays little attention to the opinions of others.

The expression "poles of temperament" is taken from the book: Gallagher Winifred. How We Become What We Are / The Atlantic Monthly, September 1994; which, in turn, is quoted by J. D. Higley. (Hyley discusses boldness and reticence in his book, but many of his observations apply to the concepts of extraversion and introversion as well.)

The biography of Rosa Parks is described in detail in the book by Douglas Brinkley: Brinkley Douglus. Rosa Parks: A Life. - New York: Penguin, 2000. Most of the information about her comes from this book. As for the spontaneity of her act, she had indeed received civil rights training before the incident on the bus. But, according to Brinkley, there is no evidence that everything was planned and that Rosa Parks simply did not behave naturally. For us, it is much more significant that, due to her personal characteristics, Parks was ideally suited for the manifestation of non-violent resistance.

Seats on public transport reserved for people of other races. A common practice for the southern US states of those years, part of the segregation policy. Note. ed.

The distribution of these qualities between extroverts and introverts looks like this: a penchant for sports - extroverts; adultery (Adultery statistics are taken from the following sources: Nettle Daniel. Personality: What Makes You the Way You Are. - New York: Oxford University Press, 2007. - P. 100. See also Schmitt David P. The Big Five Related to Risky Sexual Behavior Across 10 World Regions: Differential Personality Associations of Sexual Promiscuity and Relationship Infidelity / European Journal of Personality 18, no. 4 (2004): 301–19.) – extroverts; do better without sleep (Information on how effective various people function without sleep, you can find: Killgore William D. S. et al. The Trait of Introversion – Extraversion Predicts Vulnerability to Sleep Deprivation / Journal of Sleep Research 16, no. 4 (2007): 354–63. See also Taylor Daniel, McFatter Robert M. Cognitive Performance After Sleep Deprivation: Does Personality Make a Difference? / Personality and Individual Differences 34, no. 7 (2003): 1179–93; Smith Andrew, Maben Andrea. Effects of Sleep Deprivation, Lunch, and Personality on Performance, Mood, and Cardiovascular Function / Physiology and Behavior 54, no. 5 (1993): 967–72.) – introverts; learn from their mistakes (See) - introverts; more reckless (See) - extroverts; postpone pleasure - introverts; the best leaders (See) - depending on the type of leadership, either introverts or extroverts; the tendency to consider alternative options (See and) - introverts. Note. ed.

A nod to Martin Luther King's most famous "I Have a Dream" speech delivered on August 28, 1963 from the steps of the Lincoln Memorial during the March on Washington for Jobs and Freedom! Note. ed.

In Bayne Rowan The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator: A Critical Review and Practical Guide. - London: Chapman and Hall, 1995. - R. 47, considering the statistical severity of introversion, the author indicates the frequency of manifestation of this quality in 36 percent; data taken from a 1985 personal study by Isabelle Myers. The latest study of this feature, conducted by the Center applied research psychotypes in 1996 on a sample of 914,219 people showed different results: 49.7 percent of respondents were extroverts and 50.7 percent were introverts. See Estimated Frequencies of the Types in the United States Population, published by the Center for Applied Psychotype Research in 1996 and 2003. These data do not mean that the number of introverts in the country has increased from 36 to 50.7 percent: the results may reflect the specifics of a particular sample. Another study using the Eysenck questionnaire showed that the proportion of extroverts increased for both sexes between 1966 and 1993. See Jean M. Twenge for more information. Birth Cohort Changes in Extraversion: A Cross-Temporal Meta-Analysis, 1966–1993 / Personality and Individual Differences 30 (2001): 735–48.

Confirmation of this can be found in two studies at once: 1) Juri Allik, Robert R. McCrae. Toward a Geography of Personality Traits: Patterns of Profiles Across 36 Cultures / Journal of Cross-Cultural Psychology 35 (2004): 13–28; 2) Robert R. McCrae, Antonio Terracciano. Personality Profiles of Cultures: Aggregate Personality Traits / Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 89:3 (2005): 407–25.

William B. Swann Jr., Peter J. Rentfrow. Blirtatiousness: Cognitive, Behavioral, and Physiological Consequences of Rapid Response / Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 81, no. 6 (2001): 1160–75.

Howard Giles and Richard L. Street Jr. Communicator Characteristics and Behavior / in M. L. Knapp and G. R. Miller, eds., Handbook of Interpersonal Communication, 2nd ed. - Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage, 1994. pp. 103–61. (As a consolation to introverts, measured speech is perceived as honest and sincere in other studies.)

Delroy L. Paulhus and Kathy L. Morgan. Perceptions of Intelligence in Leaderless Groups: The Dynamic Effects of Shyness and Acquaintance / Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 72, no. 3 (1997): 581–91.

http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/asperger/detail_asperger.html.

Elaine N. Aron et al. Adult Shyness: The Interaction of Temperamental Sensitivity and an Adverse Childhood Environment /Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin 31 (2005): 181–97.

Many works confirm this. For example, see Stephen R. Briggs. Shyness: Introversion or Neuroticism? / Journal of Research in Personality 22, no. 3 (1988): 290–307.

Hello dear blog readers! To achieve success, no matter in what area, it is necessary not only to have knowledge about yourself or others, but also to find resources and advantages in them in order to use and rely on at any appropriate moment. Therefore, today we will talk about who an introvert is and what his strengths are.

Characteristic

From the stand should know about the different types of temperament, so we will not return to this issue, but we will immediately start with the characteristics of the introvert itself.

Key behavioral traits

From a social point of view

Advantages and strengths of this type of character

Economy in terms of energy recovery. No troubles in life are capable of knocking the ground out from under your feet, because the source of strength is deep inside the personality itself. In this regard, it is more difficult for extroverts who are fueled by communication and various events, they do not have such an internal resource.
Less often, nervous disorders occur, unless of course you have to intersect with a large number of people every day. And the thing is that they lead a measured life, they manage to notice it, stop and enjoy it, noticing the world around and themselves in this world.
More inclined towards self-development. Their strength lies in the fact that in case of difficulties they do not rush to change external world to become more comfortable. No, on the contrary, they come up with a way to adapt and adjust. And any changes within the personality inevitably entail changes in life. In addition, critical thinking encourages constant development.
They are more stable in emotional manifestations, which is why conflict situations occur very rarely. They will weigh all the pros and cons, listen to themselves, and only then will they make claims, not allowing them to speak thoughtlessly and rashly.
They know how to value relationships and, in general, another person, accepting them for who they are. And also enjoy such trifles as the sunrise, a drop of dew on the grass, the smell of freshly baked buns, and so on. Thanks to this ability, it is not necessary to make special efforts for a person to experience happiness, he knows how to find it in absolutely everything. In general, if you want honesty and sincerity, choose these completely non-mercantile people.

If you are an introvert and doubt yourself, I recommend reading the book: Marty Laney « Benefits of being an introvert» . In this book, one of the leading American psychotherapists talks about the strengths of an introvert, and also gives practical advice on how to build relationships with different types of people.

How to communicate with people of this type of temperament?

The most important thing is not to push or demand instant action and quick reactions. If you do not forcibly burden such a person with your presence and expectation of frankness, then over time you will receive a wonderful gift of fate - a very close and sincere friend or loved one who will be faithful and devoted. Give him time to get used to, look at you.

How to be more efficient?

Due to a serious approach to various issues, they usually make balanced and correct decisions, only, unfortunately, they lose a huge number of opportunities. Therefore, it is important to pay attention to how to become more risky and easy to climb. If this is your friend, support him in his endeavors and attempts to present himself to the world.

How to see a valuable employee in them?

Often, due to fear and anxiety, they fail interviews, but if the manager turns out to be conscious and has information about human psychology, he will get a very valuable employee.

For example, even at school, children could get an unsatisfactory grade because they refused to answer, or “gathered” their thoughts for a long time, although they knew the subject very well, and attentive teachers could track what written works they were given much better than oral.

Try, if you notice that a person cannot cope with negotiations, speeches and other activities that involve publicity - do not fire him, but help him choose functions that are more comfortable for him, this will be useful not only for him, but will also bring success to the company in which he is working. For example, to master networking, because in correspondence there is not so much tension as in personal communication.

social phobia

Children should not be forced to go outside to play with others. Also require the partner to communicate with your friends, attend exhibitions and other events. After all, refusals do not mean that he is lazy or does not appreciate you, but that he is trying to “preserve” and defend himself. There is a very uncomfortable mental illness - social phobia.

In her case, a person completely refuses any communication, is afraid of condemnation, in his fantasies everyone perceives him negatively, and even a casual glance of a passerby will be regarded as disgust, criticism and dissatisfaction with him. It comes to the point that they quit work, study and do not leave the house. So do not inflict violence, so as not to provoke such a powerful and personality-destroying defensive reaction.

How to deal with introverts?

Try to listen without interrupting, because a person with this type of character may not show how your faux pas hurt him, and avoid contact in the future. They appreciate such simple words as “thank you”, “sorry”, making them of great meaning, because it speaks of the politeness and humanity of the interlocutor, then he is not so dangerous in his eyes.
Take care of these unique people, if only because there are far fewer of them in the world than extroverts.

Conclusion

If you doubt whether you are an introvert or not, I recommend going through it, with the help of it you can determine your personality type.

And that’s all for today, dear readers! I hope you were able to find information for yourself on how to use the features of your character in order to improve and simplify your life as much as possible, achieving success and comfort. I recommend reading the following article. , because in each of us there are features of both types of temperament, and in this article you will find how to determine your type, because sometimes it is not easy.

The material for the article was prepared by Zhuravina Alina.

The famous psychiatrist Carl Gustav Jung argued that you should not go against your nature, because this can negatively affect the quality and. According to psychologist Susan Cain, every introvert can be quite successful at hiding their real face on the playground, in the school, or in the office hallway. But at a fateful moment in life (dismissal or receiving an unexpected inheritance), which will allow them to live the way they always wanted, introverts realize their true nature. In the modern world of extroverts, where sociability is valued above all else, and detachment from communication is considered bad form, it is really difficult for introverts to exist. But without these people, the world would have lost Harry Potter, Larry Peilge's Google, Chopin's nocturnes, Einstein's theory of relativity and cult roles. ELLE collected facts about introverts and shared tips for those who are tired of being an extrovert.

Facts about introversion

1. Introverts need to be alone to replenish their energy reserve, while extroverts need recovery only if they do not communicate enough.

2. Many psychologists agree that introverts and extroverts have different working styles. Introverts work much more slowly, but more thoroughly. They prefer to focus on one task at a time and are outstanding.

3. According to scientist Winfred Gallagher, the ability to perceive and think about the surrounding reality, instead of immediately interacting with it, is more likely to lead to the creation of outstanding works of art and science.

4. Finland is home to the most big number introverts.

5. According to American psychologist Jannis Dorn, introverts are less sensitive to rewards. It has been scientifically proven that an introvert employee is not motivated by praise in the same way as an extrovert. For an introvert, reward is important only when he really deserves it.

6. In 1968, German psychiatrist Karl Leonhard conducted a study of introverts and extroverts. As a result of his work, the scientist proved that introverts are less susceptible to outside influences and have more stable willpower.

7. Introverts love solitude, so they actively protect their personal space. They take their time and often feel guilty about refusing to accept an invitation.

8. The distance at which introverts keep people is not a sign of arrogance. Ability to focus on your inner world, feelings and experiences allows introverts to better understand and empathize with others.

9. Scientists from Harvard, Stanford and Chicago Universities analyzed the behavior of 5,000 CEOs of various companies. According to the results of the study, they found that introverted leaders are able to manage organizations more effectively than their extroverted counterparts.

10. In 2002, a study was conducted at Bar-Ilan University, which found that introverts feel much freer and more comfortable on the Internet than extroverts. By the way, most popular bloggers in real life are introverts.

1. Psychologists recommend that introverts warn their work team about their character traits. For example, Douglas Conant, a famous American business coach, advises introverts to say the following: “If it seems to you that I am somewhere far away, please understand that I am an introvert, call me!”. Honesty has.

2. For informal communication at work, experts recommend that introverts spend 30 minutes a day. And the rest of the time, retire with headphones and your favorite playlist.

3. In order for people around you to receive valuable information about you that you are unlikely to tell yourself, pay attention to your social networks. Perhaps your Facebook page will help position yourself correctly. Yes, this world is made for extroverts. But the Internet is the best territory for an introvert.

4. Set up your meeting times ahead of time. Do not forget that you get tired of communication much faster than extroverts.

5. Eye contact with the interlocutor is a seemingly simple, but energy-consuming process for an introvert. In order not to offend a person with a lack of interest, it is better to sit not in front of him, but on the side. Then you can look away and not look indifferent.

6. If you are invited to a party and do not know how to keep the conversation going, then it is better to take care of yourself with the help of the hosts or take pictures of friends.

7. HR professionals and coaches recommend that introverts take into account their characteristics when preparing for interviews. Rehearse answers to possible questions of the applicant, do not forget to write out and say your merits, which you may forget to mention due to shyness.

8. Parents of introvert children should remember that before getting to know a new place or people, the child needs to be prepared and worked out with him possible reactions. You should not call introverted children shy or timid, as this can give birth to a complex of social insecurity.

9. More often than not, introverts have one or two serious hobbies, unlike active extroverts. Give your hobbies the time you want and find like-minded people who will support you. Perhaps these hobbies will become your new sources of strength.

10. Do not allow judgment or criticism of your character traits. Remember that many people feel good in your company, because introverts are the best listeners and sensitive advisers.

Some people find it difficult to admit that they are introverts. When thinking of introverts, they are often mistaken for being almost misanthropic.

However, as Susan Cain has convincingly shown in her book Introverts. How to use the features of their character”, introverts can be sincere, interested in others and strong in their own way. But the stigma that many still place on introverts may force people to resist their inclinations or even deny their existence.

Let's take a look at 9 typical behaviors of introverts. Referring to them, we may find that we are not as outward-oriented as we might think.

1. You are truly an introvert if you enjoy being alone.

When you manage to take a break and rest, you are more likely to prefer reading, playing video games, or just listening to music. Privacy is important to your well-being, although you often enjoy socializing and attending events.

2. You think best when you are alone.

You are not opposed to group meetings and discussions, but when you need to find an original solution to a problem, thinking on your own is better for this. Quiet and calm contemplation without distraction from other people allows you to maximize your potential and achieve results that make you proud.

3. You are best at leading people who are prone to take the initiative.

Contrary to the stereotype that introverts are so quiet that they are not able to take charge and manage everything, in the right circumstances they can be the most. If the team is ready to work on its own, the introvert leader can get the most out of it. It's only when people need some kind of spark from their leader that the introvert may not be up to the task. In these cases, he will need an extroverted partner to take over.

4. You are the last to raise your hand when someone asks the audience something.

As can be remembered from school days, there are usually students who raise their hands immediately after the question of the teacher or his request for volunteers. Extroverts tend to stand out in any social situation. You're probably more of an introvert if you're comfortable just sitting around letting others take center stage. It's not that introverts know less, they just don't want to be seen as much.

5. You are truly an introvert if people often ask you for your opinion.

Just as introverts are less likely to take the initiative in public, they are less likely to be the first to share opinions and give advice in a more private setting. Whether it's a family discussion at the table or a meeting of colleagues to solve work problems, introverted people will always rather keep their opinions to themselves, letting everything be decided. Since your opinion can be valuable if you are constantly asked what you think, it may mean that your behavior tells others that you are directing your attention inward, to your thoughts.

6. You often wear headphones when in public

If you are an introvert, then it is unlikely that you need maximum contact with others, being, for example, at a crowded station or street. You can use headphones as additional protection from crowded environment whether they play music or not.

7. You prefer not to get involved with people who look angry or upset.

You prefer to avoid people who are in a bad mood. According to a study by psychologist Marta Ponari and her colleagues at University College London, introverts don't like looking at faces. evil people, because they are more sensitive to negative assessments and fear that a person is angry with them or because of them, which means that they are a potential threat.

8. You receive more calls, messages, and emails than you send, unless you have no choice.

Other things being equal, introverts are not very willing to voluntarily start a dialogue with people from their circle of friends. If they have a free minute, they will not call someone, just to spend this time in communication. Also, they rather do not write first, but respond to received letters and messages. It is highly likely that, as a true introvert, you will try to avoid working where you need to constantly. If you need to communicate something to someone, you will most likely prefer writing to phone calls. This may be due to a desire to avoid being judged by others. When you get rejected over the phone, you run the risk of being demoralized. You can always get a refusal in writing, but in this case it will not happen in real time, and it will be easier for you to save face or even your self-esteem.

9. You don't start small talk with people you bump into.

It is almost impossible to imagine you easily starting conversations with the first people you meet. If you are late or are worried about something, you will not share it with just anyone, but rather silently consider your situation. You may think that it doesn't concern anyone else but you, or you may prefer to use some of your own ways of coping with stress. In other words, people usually don't know what you're thinking or feeling at any given time unless you consider them close enough to share your personal thoughts with them.

Introversion - is it really that bad?

Introversion definitely has its benefits. For example, you're much less likely to take a tactless move, such as inadvertently insulting someone with whom you disagree on something. Because you love your own thoughts, you are much less likely to get bored when you are alone than those who need constant social stimulation.

The only risk is that people who don't know you may see you as cold and withdrawn or arrogant. Allowing yourself to be a little more open in expressing your feelings and thoughts can help introverts get the most out of both sides while staying true to themselves and not appearing unfriendly.

On the other hand, if you're an extrovert, you might find it helpful to introduce some introversion into your life. Try what it's like not to be the first to speak, take it all in, or speak your mind. Perhaps being introverted can help you see life differently, a little more thoughtfully.

Published with permission from The Negotiation Company, LLC c/o InkWell Management LLC and Synopsis Literary Agency

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without the written permission of the copyright holders.

To all members of my family

A nation in which everyone was General Patton would do no more than a nation in which everyone was Vincent van Gogh. I prefer to think that our planet needs athletes, philosophers, sex symbols, artists, scientists in equal measure; there is a role for sympathetic and callous, rational and easily vulnerable people. The world needs those who will devote their lives to studying the specifics of the salivary glands in dogs, as well as those who can capture a brief moment of cherry blossom in a poem of fourteen syllables, or devote twenty-five pages to describing the feelings of a little boy lying in the silence of the night on his bed in waiting for a mother's kiss before bed.

The presence of any pronounced talent indicates that something has been sacrificed...

Allan Sean

Introduction. Poles of temperament

A woman utters the single word that would later give birth to one of the most important civil rights movements of the 20th century—a word that would put America on the path to moral renewal.

This word is no.

The driver threatens to arrest her.

“You can do it,” says Rosa Parks.

The policeman arrives. He asks Parks why she refused to give up her seat.

“Why do you keep telling us where it is?” she simply answers.

“I have no idea,” he says, “but the law is the law!” - you are under arrest.

Our lives are determined by character as much as by race or gender. And the main personality trait - "the southern and northern poles of temperament", in the words of one scientist - is belonging to an extraverted or introverted type. The degree of expression of these qualities affects our behavior, the choice of the circle of friends and acquaintances, the manner in which we carry on a conversation, the way we solve problems and show love. The tendency to extroversion or introversion affects the choice of profession and success in it. It also determines our desire to exercise; determines the tendency to adultery; affects the ability to function normally in conditions of insufficient sleep; makes you learn from your mistakes or strive for risky gambling in the stock market, and also affects the ability to abstain from pleasures; be a good leader and look for alternative ways. All these qualities are due to the mechanism of functioning of the nervous system, its individual characteristics. Today, introversion and extraversion are some of the most deeply researched personality traits, but the interest of scientists and psychologists in this topic is still very high. In recent years, with the help of modern technology, researchers have made many amazing discoveries.